La politesse oblige by Jane Tolbert

The notes with clip art posted on the communal bulletin board (under lock and key) at the Juan-les-Pins apartment were anything but polite! Dogs are tolerated as long as they do not bark, etc. But parking vehicles along the drives is prohibited. No acknowledgment was made of the flooded underground parking lots. I was appalled by the lack of civility. Quelle audace! Didn’t these members of the governing board (le syndic) realize that France had changed in the last 20 years?! POINT D’ INTERROGATION et D’EXCLAMATION. The French now days are very polite and openly helpful. The syndic’s discourteous was outdated. My first reaction was to scribble something in lipstick on the locked, glass case. But that would have appeared . . rude.

In the post-war years, France gained a terrible reputation—at least among the non-Francophone travelers—for its discourteous behavior. Rumors even circulated about a pervasive grumpy attitude at Euro Disney and major hotels catering to foreigners. Those things have changed. In an earlier post, I wrote about the new bureaucratic mindset (le nouveau esprit fonctionnaire). Although I didn’t know the reason for change, I did notice the unwavering courteous behavior of the clerks and case workers in the immigration section of the Prefecture, and the absence of pushing and shoving in lines at the post office. But I also noticed something else—posted warnings of the fines and risk of imprisonment that could occur if clients harassed these government workers. Overall, pets and people seemed quite considerate of others.



With the rudeness rampant on television (such as the sitcoms about dysfunctional families and judges of today’s dance or singing competitions) and in classrooms, you could assume that civility and politeness were things of the past. But France has made a national attempt to bring back la politesse. The more pleasant daily interactions with all levels of officials may have stemmed from educational and information campaigns that stressed the need to show respect for others. Civic duty is now part of the academic curriculum in public schools. Campaigns also have been led by hospitals to request that patients be less abusive of staff, in public transit as well as at sporting events. Primary school children have always been taught the magic words (les mots magiques)--please, thank you and you are welcome. Now, reminders have been issued to adults (les grandes personnes) as well.

Tradition attributes the development of a society of civility and courtesy to the model provided by the Royal Court. Letters exchanged by 17th-century correspondents are replete with expressions of civility and courtesy. “Excuse me for inconveniencing you. . . . I assure you that I was infinitely pleased to learn of the favorable reception you received. . . . . I congratulate you with all my heart.” In fact, much ink is expended. This style of courteous writing must have required a tremendous display of fortitude by both writer and reader. Not only was the main body of text prefaced by these expressions but the letter also concluded with similar expressions.

And anyone who has studied French in high school or college remembers those lengthy archaic hangovers used in formal correspondence. Veuillez-agréer, Monsieur ou Madame, l’expression de mes sentiments distingués. Nous vous remercions. . . . J’ai l’honneur de vous informer. . . . Under the guise of politeness, these expressions implied a tone of slight disdain, maintained a distance between sender and recipient and often prefaced unpleasant news (e.g., you did not meet our credentials for hiring; your residency visa has expired). Although these expressions continue to be used, most correspondence today used a more personal and direct approach.

Numerous booklets published between the 17th and 20th centuries have provided instruction on civility and polite behavior—oral and written communication, tact and wit as well as the purity of language. The syndic could benefit from perusing some of these manuals of courtesy, all of which are available online at www.gallica.fr, the website of the Bibliothèque Nationale, or asking any French school child about the magic words. . . Please, thank you and you are welcome.

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Florida Freeze - Wrapping up. . . .the plants by Jane Tolbert

Florida evokes images of warm, sunny beaches in winter months while the rest of the country braces for dire conditions. Most of the time the weather is warm and sunny, but we have our seasons.

In the summer months, we haul out our storm shutters (now hidden somewhere under Christmas decorations). In the winter, we get out patchwork quilts, blankets, sheets or just about anything to protect our large plants during a freeze. We drag in the numerous terracotta pots of begonias, impatiens, and mystery plants and stash them on the back porch or kitchen counter until warmer weather returns. We discover that the grapefruit, kumquat, and Persian lime all have roots that have grown outside the pots into the ground. Those plants that remain outside will be tightly bundled.

The process of protecting plants begins when the weather forecasters announce a cold front and the possibility of a freeze. We dig into trunks, take linens off the guest bed, and try to protect gardens before we too are exposed to wind chill. For days at a time, flower beds and fragile trees are decked out in personal bedding--stuff that usually is not aired publicly. . . .at least not since the elimination of clotheslines.



Day 2 of the Cold--Strawberries at $1.97. . . .

Statewide, freezes are taken seriously. Agriculture ranks second just after tourism as a major Florida industry. The agribusiness represents $100 billion. Of course, these crops need more than a grandmother’s quilts and guest room sheets for protection.

Since the state began keeping data on weather (from the 1830s), freezes have reconfigured the geography of citrus growing. Each successive freeze pushes the zone further south. And I remember the Christmas freeze of 1989 that decimated acres of citrus in central Florida.

Currently, we have a week of cold, an unusually long period by Florida standards, according to weather forecasters. The media have been running wild. Days one and two of coverage focused on the potential crop loss, particularly strawberries, which were to be harvested. The media also used the analogy of a boxing match in headlines that read something like this: Florida gets past round one in the freeze and prepares to slug it out. . . . In day three of plunging nighttime temperatures, weather still makes headlines. Yesterday’s (Jan. 6, 2010) from around the state read like this:

- Miami Herald – “South Florida cold to stay through weekend”
- Gainesville Sun – “Cold snap gripping Gulf states threatens Florida crop”
- Florida Today (Melbourne) – “Cold's grip tightens as Brevard hits record low temperature”
- News Herald (Panama City) – “Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove global warming”

While earlier stories carried photos of heavily bundled school children, the more recent stories have photos of ice-covered oranges. The implication--Florida had entered the next ice age. But the caption explained the use of micro-sprinklers to coat the plants in ice actually protects them.

Will the cold weather keep my friends from visiting? After all, our low night low is higher than their daytime high. Or is the fact they have seen the bedding strewn on lawns and plants that might keep them away.

Resolutions . . . that will last . . . 15 minutes by Jane Tolbert

Most web articles on New Year’s resolutions focus on two things—the 10 most popular resolutions (starting with fitness and weight loss) and psychological advice on keeping resolutions (especially those concerning weight loss). Any historian or anthropologist looking at our newspapers (digital or otherwise) years from now will assume we are an idle population with too much food and too much time, and obviously unable to commit.

The list of resolutions in both France and the States reads like this:
- Stop smoking - Eat healthy - Do more sports - Spend more time with friends and family (or form new meaningful relationships) - Be nice to colleagues at work and the general public -Be more socially responsible. These resolutions are easy to uphold. . . for a few days anyway.

In past years, neighborhood streets and parks have been filled with newly converted cyclists. Membership in fitness centers has increased. And it is easy to integrate a fitness routine in a vacation schedule. Just as it’s easier to think charitable thoughts about colleagues you have not seen for a few days. Our resolutions are made as we bask in the afterglow of holiday merriment.

My resolutions fall into two broad categories—volunteering for a humanitarian cause and maintaining a focus in my work. The odd thing about humanitarian actions is the difficulty I have had in getting organizations to accept my offers of free help. It has been much more difficult than getting a job

My personal resolutions include goals such as organizing my daily schedule, developing a business plan, identifying goals and objectives and branding my products. A critical resolution is not to sweat the small stuff.

That reminds me. I can’t have a business plan until I write my goals and objectives. And to write those, I really need to set aside a block of time in my schedule. But first, I need to clean up the dining room table which serves as my office. I’ll start once I check my email and cell phone messages just in case something important has come in . . . . This new technology is wonderful. I am so “in touch.”

Messages on FaceBook. A Gainesville friend is celebrating a birthday. A tanguero just wrote from the South of France where they will hold the Reveillon at Jack’s Blues. And look, an email. The Nice-based tango association Siempre Tango just posted photos from the Dec. 4, 2009, milonga at the new Café Nikaia I wonder if I recognize anyone?

My son just texted me from the Frozen North. He has been caught in various snowstorms over the holiday. I need to check the online weather. I just talked with my daughter the other day—those great phone rates in France (unlimited and free). Wake up, AT&T and T-Mobile.

Where was I? Organization. Focus. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Now that’s one of those expressions I haven’t been able to locate on WordReference. But a Google search. Eh bien, ça y est! Of all places--in a forum about New Year’s Resolutions--“arreter de prendre la mouche pour un rien.”

Maybe I should sweat the small stuff. . . . No, focus on the tasks at hand—clean off my desk! I am finding all kinds of interesting things. Ahhh, if I can keep this one resolution, at least for the next 15 minutes.

But all resolutions have a downside. . .



Best wishes for 2010!

What are your resolutions?

A Christmas List . . . by Jane Tolbert

The pet stockings were filled. . .


Réveillon – oysters, smoked salmon, or fois gras, leg of lamb, salads and cheeses, and of course, the Bûche de Noël or Yule log. Over here, turkey with oyster dressing, a Virginia ham, cranberries, corn pudding, salsify and chestnuts (if we can find them), pecan pie and fruitcake.

Reading the “Night before Christmas” or “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Watching the 1938 version of Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol.” Attending the Gainesville Hippodrome’s musical performance of “A Christmas Carol.” I never tire of “A Christmas Carol.”

Painting large, ball-shaped ornaments and making cookies.

Night walks or drives around neighborhoods and the harbor to look at Christmas decorations. Places that seem ordinary by day become a wonderland of sorts.

My pets are busy removing Christmas ornaments from the tree.

Humorous gifts—the inflatable husband and the dancing hamster

Wishing distances were not so great. . . .



Pets remove decorations. . .


Coco visits and poses . . .



Best wishes to all for a safe and happy holiday.

The $5 Christmas by Jane Tolbert

It won't be couture this year. . .

Many years ago, our family needed to save money for a European trip. We decided to limit the amount we spent on gifts and implemented the $5 Christmas at a time when Frommer published his guide on Europe on $5 a day.

Even many years ago, it was difficult to find a nice present for $5, so we decided to make our gifts. After all, the spirit of Christmas was in the giving. These gifts would have that personal touch. As an artist, my sister, Margaret, had an unfair advantage. Dad knew woodworking, and he made inlaid letter boxes, shoe polish kits or nativity scenes. Mom also sewed or helped by filling clay pots with wonderful plants. I had few skills but decided to sew clothes and even a necktie (all of which were mistakes).



Nativity--when an artist and workworker collaborate on a $5 Christmas . . .

Santa’s workshop meant entire areas of the house were off limits to other members of the family. We worked alone on our gifts. The gifts experienced a moderate success, but we never saw each other during the holidays. As Mom observed, the greatest gift would be to spend time together.

The spirit of Christmas seems be synonymous with increasing commercialization. Even in this period of recession, merchants began reminding us about Black Friday and Cyber Monday early in November. Now as we approach Christmas, we are assaulted daily with new store hours, email reminders of free shipping for a purchase of $150 or an additional 20 percent discount with a store credit card.

Although the mall parking lots look full and the post offices have long lines, are people buying lavish gifts? Or have they also implemented a $5 Christmas? The last few years have been very lean. People are concerned about job security and health care. In Florida, our unemployment is 11.2 percent with more layoffs expected. Underemployment is much higher.

Years ago we used to buy something frivolous for Christmas—a paperclip holder in the shape of a Viking, a fedora or a pair of fantasy tights or even reindeer antlers for the pets. Sometimes we bought couture instead of dégriffé. But these days, everyone is my entourage is giving the more basic presents—the things we really need. Although we have put a limit on expenditures, we are buying rather than making our presents. After all, the greatest gift is having time together.

It's All About Details by Jane Tolbert

In his Major Thompson lives in France, writer Pierre Danois identified defining characteristics of the French and English provided by a surgeon who operated on them both. While an Englishman contains “a waterproof. . . a cup of tea. . . the Calais-Mediterranean time-table. . . a cricket ball, some fog,” a Frenchman “eats bread, knows no geography and wears the Legion of Honor in his buttonhole [and is an] . . . abyss of contradictions.” (pp. 16-17).

Mais oui! Danois pointed to that confusion that greets the first-time visitor to France. The French may criticize their government but expect the government to provide excellent health care, retirement and education. They may not attend church, but they want to retain their religious holidays. For an American, especially during a recession, a government healthcare system and a basically free education (through the university) sound like a terrestrial paradise. But the French insist, “Non, ça va très mal en France.” And when all else fails to convince the visitor, the older French would refer to the ailments of the liver--le mal au foie.

European neighbors assume the French have it too easy. The 35-hour work week, five weeks of paid vacation and strikes in public schools and universities, and mass transit give the impression that no one works. That the country is unproductive.

Economist and writer Michel Volle defines the French not by the headlines and superficial impressions but by what he terms the “animateurs” or the “vértèbras” who work tirelessly behind the scenes, receive little recognition . . . but assure that organizations and the country continue to “function.” (See his article, “Le coeur secret de la France,” 24 Oct 2006, http://www.volle.com/opinion/coeurimp.htm).

France can be different things for different people—a country of monuments, works of art and a long history; a people of contradictions; or country that consists of behind-the-scenes workers.



Most likely, all of us remember a foreign country by the details, les petits soupçons, or hints. For me, the South of France is a kaleidoscope of impressions and memories. Turkish coffee with friends at La Boutique (Opio). The ribald humor of the workers at the PMU. The intense buzz of those scooters that swarm around motorists or pedestrians. The citrus and palms that seem to grow everywhere. Flowers in every nook and corner. A wonderful chef salad with chicken and slivers of parmesan at the Café de la Plage. The shop window at the boutique Cité des Anges that changes daily. The long wait at the national employment agency or the prefecture. The paperwork and official documents still required by many government agencies.




France has changed since Danois wrote his book. If we were to operate on a French person today, we would probably find L’Equipe, the sports newspaper, crumbs from a baguette of bread, an espresso and some wine, a combination of gourmet, McDo hamburgers and pizza as well as the more familiar “tu” instead of the formal “vous” and probably a collection of unused conjugaisons in subjunctive and passé simple.

Now, what would an American contain?

Birthday Amnesia by Jane Tolbert

Birthdays are a special time with my family and friends. We may celebrate for days on end because not everyone can come on THE SPECIAL DAY due to distances or work schedules. Presents, although not usually expensive, were carefully chosen and hidden away until the day. My mother always insisted that we write thank you notes. So part of our birthday was devoted to just that. My grandmother used to say, the present did not belong to you until you had thanked for it. And if you forgot to thank, well then, you wouldn’t get a present the following year. At least that is how we have all been raised.

So I was quite surprised when a member of our family forgot to thank for a birthday present especially since he had written many “thank you” notes. As a child, he would spend his own savings to take us to an outdoor café to celebrate, and he saved for months to buy the special gift for others. But when he grew older, things changed. He no longer celebrated with us, and he argued (sometimes convincingly) that since he did not want the gift, he should not have to thank. Obviously, he suffered from Birthday Amnesia.

Since not thanking one year precluded a birthday present the following year (rules are rules, after all), family members and close friends refused to acknowledge his birthday even with a card. My daughter refused to send anything—he had overlooked her last two birthdays.

Admittedly, we all felt guilty not observing a birthday. The following year, my mom broke down and sent him some money and a birthday cake with very thick frosting, certain he would have recovered his memory by now. I, too, had a card with some money. We made phone calls and left birthday wishes on voice mail. Our calls were not returned. The cake with the very thick frosting as well as a bottle of champagne remained in my refrigerator for one day, then another . .



But then some dance friends came by and ate the cake and drank the champagne. And the money. . . .went for a new pair of tango shoes. No mention of the birthday was ever made.

My daughter makes an effort to thank for presents because she has seen other members of the family or friends eliminated from the gift exchange. As for her cake, since she requests her favorite cake (usually raspberry, pistachio and chocolate) well in advance of her celebration, she will never suffer birthday amnesia.

Other friends have similar “thank-you” rules in their families. And readers, what about you?


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