Birthday Amnesia by Jane Tolbert

Birthdays are a special time with my family and friends. We may celebrate for days on end because not everyone can come on THE SPECIAL DAY due to distances or work schedules. Presents, although not usually expensive, were carefully chosen and hidden away until the day. My mother always insisted that we write thank you notes. So part of our birthday was devoted to just that. My grandmother used to say, the present did not belong to you until you had thanked for it. And if you forgot to thank, well then, you wouldn’t get a present the following year. At least that is how we have all been raised.

So I was quite surprised when a member of our family forgot to thank for a birthday present especially since he had written many “thank you” notes. As a child, he would spend his own savings to take us to an outdoor café to celebrate, and he saved for months to buy the special gift for others. But when he grew older, things changed. He no longer celebrated with us, and he argued (sometimes convincingly) that since he did not want the gift, he should not have to thank. Obviously, he suffered from Birthday Amnesia.

Since not thanking one year precluded a birthday present the following year (rules are rules, after all), family members and close friends refused to acknowledge his birthday even with a card. My daughter refused to send anything—he had overlooked her last two birthdays.

Admittedly, we all felt guilty not observing a birthday. The following year, my mom broke down and sent him some money and a birthday cake with very thick frosting, certain he would have recovered his memory by now. I, too, had a card with some money. We made phone calls and left birthday wishes on voice mail. Our calls were not returned. The cake with the very thick frosting as well as a bottle of champagne remained in my refrigerator for one day, then another . .



But then some dance friends came by and ate the cake and drank the champagne. And the money. . . .went for a new pair of tango shoes. No mention of the birthday was ever made.

My daughter makes an effort to thank for presents because she has seen other members of the family or friends eliminated from the gift exchange. As for her cake, since she requests her favorite cake (usually raspberry, pistachio and chocolate) well in advance of her celebration, she will never suffer birthday amnesia.

Other friends have similar “thank-you” rules in their families. And readers, what about you?


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